How to Read Personal Ads:
WOMEN'S ADS
Adventurer - Will sleep with all your friends
Average looking - Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Redhead - Bad dye-job
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of Ecstasy
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Free spirit - Junkie
New-Age - All body hair, all the time
Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Open-minded - Desperate
Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
Athletic - No boobs
Old-fashioned - Lights-out, missionary position & nothing else!
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional - Certified B**ch
Romantic - Looks better by candlelight
Social - Been passed-around like an hors doeuvres tray
40-ish - 49
Young at heart - Wears 'Depends'
Widow - Drove first husband to shoot himself
Curvy - Fat
Feminist - Fat ballbuster
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height - Huge and Fat
Reubenesque - Fat as a house!
Wants Soulmate - Stalker
MEN'S ADS
Athletic - Watches ESPN all day
Educated - Patronizing jerk
Good looking - Arrogant jerk
Very good looking - Dumb as a board
Likes to cuddle - Insecure mama's boy
Free spirit - Will try to bang your sister
Open-minded - Will try to bang your roommate
Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nookie
Stable - Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
Honest - Pathological Liar
40-ish-52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Mature - Older than your father
Physically fit - Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Huggable - Overweight and more body hair than a bear
Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Poet - Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive - Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive - Gay
Spiritual - Got laid in a cemetery once
Thoughtful - Says "Excuse me" when he farts
Frank
(aka: Huggable, lol)
